Thanks

Dear MushiMan,

Thanks. Thats all i gotta say. I dont know how to explain it but ill try my best to explain.. usually when im with a guy im stupid enough to start looking at the flaws of the guy and i only start looking at that and not look at the good things about him and also the good memories i had with him.. like i know you're not perfect; i am not even CLOSE to being perfect, you and i both have flaws, some flaws you had.. i would just look at it and i was gonna do the same thing to you the same thing i did to other guys, which is only looking at your flaws and move on by ditching you.. but thanks for continually making me feel loved whenever i feel like that in which it really makes me want to try harder to treat you and look at you much different than how i looked and treated to the past boyfriends i had. you constantly remind me and make me feel special in which it helps me SO MUCH to look over those flaws you have and only think about the fun and good memories we had made together. sometimes i do feel a little uncomfortable the fact about the age thing.. sometimes yeah you do act immature, but so do i xP its my fault that i look at that and kind of get turned off by it.. i promise ill look over it and not let that affect us, yeah ? :] i am not so sure if this makes any sense right now.. haha but still im giving it a shot xP

So today was a really WILD FRIKKEN DAY.. -whew-.. still a little speechless about that.. but seriously.. we cant go over the line. i really dont want to do something stupid.. or something you and i both will totally regret on.. yeah? i apologize if i gave you temptations.. i cant help it sometimes ya know? haha. that sounded really weird... =/ but yeah.. cant really explain how i feel but.. its a good thing. its more of.. CANT BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED.. haha OH MY. lets take it slow babe. yeah? (: well ill write more later when i feel like it xP im hungry so...

BYE (:

LOVE,

This chick right here <3

oh boyy

Today i woke up pretty late.. around 2. i dont know why but i called him the moment i woke up. i guess it's becoming a habit now of thinking of him first whenever i wake up. dont really know if thats a good thing or a bad thing:P well. took a nice hot shower.. then went to borders right after. Today was supposed to be the day where i start my homework and continue on my week like that, but i guess its harder than i thought :/ im trying to focus on chemistry but my head is just out there right now -- urgh. i hate this sooo much. Now im like frustrated trying to find his own blogspot too.. frigggen stressin me out mang. hmm, i am in alot of pain right now: my right arm, hip tendon, and my ass. im clueless how i got all these places to be in pain. i think soon this week i might go to acupuncture if it gets worse. So today is day number FOUR. but technically.. TWENTY-EIGHT =) haha. hoping these numbers will continue on increasing non-stop, yeah ? =) I dont know, the more im with him the more i develop feelings, the more i get attached to him emotionally, mentally, physically, etc. is that good? he had a stomach ache and i rubbed him belly.. first it was over his sweater then under the sweater on top of his tshirt.. i didnt go to the point where it was just bare skin but honestly.. it was a huge temptation and i was like 'URGH'.. like thinking about it.. i dont want to lose anything. im risking so much even to this point right now.. i dont want to do something imma regret later on.. i dont want to give him too much or too little but at the same time i cant help it but to give what i got. im not saying im in love.. probably we're far from that. but i know that right now we're at a point where we both like each other alot and clearly enjoy being together, whether its as friends or as bf&gf type. yeah i know its stupid of me to always think about the future but at the same time its like what the hell you want me to do? friggen guys screwed me over and over again, so isnt it natural for me to think ahead if this is a guy i can see being with in the future? so far.. its a yes. hoping it wouldnt become a no.. but idk. if things happen.. then it happens ya know? i cant do anything about it. my mom tells me to not get too into him.. cause if i fall.. its gonna get really hard to get up again. yeah, ill trust her on this. imma not fall for him. or.. at least ill try not to. like i dont really know how to expain it.. but i like the way things are right now.. i really do. im not fighting with my parents.. im not lying to them.. not sneaking around with him.. things are going good. imma keep my fingers crossed that it will stay this way. well imma go now.. write more later if i feel like it =P

LATER ALLIGATOR.

From,

This chick right heree <3

AGAINandAGAIN

DEAR HUN,

hihi =) so.. im pretty sure the last time i posted an entry was on.. wednesday? haha. alot has happened since then huh? hm, well on the day of christmas you asked me out.. didnt really think you would but you did, and im happy that you did. even though right now its still a little blur for me to believe that i have a boyfriend, that you're my boyfriend. haha. well its nice that you are my boyfriend. you're a keeper, and im never going to let you go. never. ever. never =) dangg if i think about it this week we basically hung out everyday. im like starting to think when you're going to start getting sick of me -- haha. these past couple days.. i guess you can say that im like super speechless.. like in a good way. haha. gawsh im so blank.. cant believe i got egged -- stupid boys. i dont really know what to write about because im a little "high", hahaha justtt kidding. but seriously i cant focus right now. im like multitasking. eating, talking to you, ignoring your phone calls(; , listening to music. see how crazy my life is?! =P well.. i guess for now since i cant really focus imma sign off and write more tomorrow when im more focused:P

P.S. i like your sweater =)

Love, this chick right heree <3

hello there ~

This week was a pretty okay week i guess :P This past Saturday i had my first official "group date"; and literally it was a good date. i liked it alot actually =] the next day on Sunday was when i had to depart for "holding on" retreat of 2OO9, it was a good retreat. What i was looking for, my goal. i have reached it. it feels good. my biggest and hard decision i had to make was to let go of my past and forget about it. No matter how much i try to run away from it and not think about it; it continues on showing up. either i run away or that person does. but now.. im not going to be in this position. i have learned that no matter how hard i try it wont go away unless im the one who lets go first and forgive and forget. thats what im going to do. no longer will i have to suffer because of this. im going to be the bigger person and move on. i do not want my past to affect the present and also ruin my future. thats the worst that can happen right? This retreat was seriously good, i had a special time with God and learned so many new things about him and his love for me. he is my first love. well duh im talking about spiritually :P physically i do not have a first love so far. but im hoping soon, one day my first love will come. This retreat helped me learn to forgive, move on, and to also hold onto something that will be worth it. if something is not worth your own life, there is no point of wasting your whole entire life, right? I have bonded with so many people at this retreat. the conflicts and negativities i had with my brothers and sisters, i have resolved. no more hatred. no more pain. the only thing now i must suffer and go through is living my life as a christian, live it to the fullest and as best as i can.

No more talking about retreat, i am guessing this is more than enough that i have learned at the "holding on" retreat. hmm, i missed him =) literally every time there was a free time where i get to look outside of the window and stare at the clear sky with snow coming down, he was in my mind. i really do not know why but the thought of him was just there. im really glad that he's in my life right now. he is in a special place in my heart, whom i do care for very deeply. hoping our relationship will grow.. also im hoping his relationship with God will also grow. i do actually believe that if God is not in the middle of my relationship, it wouldnt work out. it always has been like that and always will be like that. so, i came home today, approximately about an hour ago. it was a long drive.. a long time thinking about him, day dreaming of me giving him the biggest hug when i see him. haha. while coming home i was hoping we could go to bomball and hang out for a little bit but then he is currently at the movies with his friends hanging out. its good that he's playing with his friends :P i dont want the relationship that will affect his friendships, i want both to work out. but since tomorrow is christmas eve.. i am totally hoping that we will be able to meet up tomorrow and hang out. i heard that usually on the day of the "eves" you're supposed to be with your love ones.. so i want to try it out this year, since i got a special present =) Well, i shall be going now. ill write more tomorrow, promise =)

Until next time..

Love, this chick right here <3

for my mushroom man =)

dear mushiman,

Hi, how are you feeling? i want to be honest, just because we havent talked all day long for some stupid reason im getting these really weird crazy ideas right now.. im hoping someone will call or tell me something that will fix my stupid little imagination =/ i guess im just a little worried because if we dont talk all day long then that will lead to another day and then another day and eventually you and i will stop talking. previously, a while back this occured to me and i guess i did get a little hurt by that. that guy promised me that he wouldnt just leave me or stop talking to me for no reason and he isnt like that.. i believed him but i shouldnt had. im really, sincerely hoping youre much different than that. besides.. youre too nice to do that right? .. apparently what happened between me and that guy was that when he "liked" me he also liked my close friend.. and he was flirting with her and etc behind my back. suddenly one day, he just STOPPED talking. ever since that day.. i called.. i texted..never gotten a reply. and that was the last time i heard from him. from that day on, i promised myself i will never ever believe those kind of shit and i will never be treated like that ever again. and even though you and i are "almost" together imma still keep that promise. so far i dont have a feeling that you're that type of guy but still, not only to you but for everyone else, i am no longer going to be treated like crap. im not going to let that happen. im hoping that youre just in bed knocked out cause your sick and not ignoring me at the moment or annoyed if worse. imma apologize if i am bothering you. im not like that, dont wanna be like those kind of girls who is like that. im a chill person, someone who is down for anything. im not the clingy type but sometimes i just cant help but not think about you or not care for you or not worry about you. its sorta like a bad habit but at the same time at least it shows that i have a heart and i actually have you in a special place in my heart. im crossing my fingers that you'll get better and ill see you walk down those halls with a smile on your face. im hoping for it. when i see you, i promised myself i will give you the biggest hug, because thats how much i worried over you and how much i missed you. yeah, i admit it. i miss you. i didnt realize that i missed you until last night but still i miss you. it has been what like 2 frikken LONG ASS days. so long that imma go crazy. i need to go out and have some fun. hoping you will come along too? (: but anyways, im excited for saturday and im totally hoping youll feel MUCHMUCH better. ill pray yeah? (: IMY, HYFB, SYL =)

Until next time,

Love, this chick right here <3

to my mushroom man,

Dear hun,

I like that im writing this in secret and probably you will never read this in a million years. I just thought that if i wrote the stuff down here it will help me to get a better look at how i feel about you. We met this year, there was a pause between us for a couple months because you already had someone and there was just someone who was holding us back. until exactly two weeks ago you and i were total strangers. thankfully you and i started talking because of a certain reason & im glad we did. i swear i never everrrr spent that much time straight with one guy, in which this is showing youre a pretty special. That first night, i guess i can say that it was the 'ice-breaker', i thought you were some guy who was shy and didnt have the guts to talk or you were someone who just didnt like me, but after that night it changed my whole entire perspective of you. Youre literally someone who is different and who surprises me daily for this past two weeks. These two weeks went by slow but yet fast at the same time. Whenever im with you time flies by so fast i sometimes wish that the day will go longer.. but the way we're together feels like ive been buddies with you for years. i gotta admit, you and i got close pretty fast (; haha, even after those first ghetto dates at panda and whatnot im caring about you more and more. i am gonna totally say that im into you, and you know that. At this moment you're home right now sick, probably with the stomach flu.. hope it isnt sometime more serious. Last night was my first time webcamming with you and it was pretty fun x) whenever we talk.. i like it. no, i love it. i like being with you and you know that. i enjoy hanging with you but sometimes im worried that you get sick of me. you're slowly learning to talk very 'slick' wise on aim and def, in person but on the phone.. EHHH... haha. the moments i love the most is when you take the charge. you do what you want to do, i like that. i like it when you grab and tell me to get to class.. i like it when you push me away telling me not to do something stupid. i like the conversations we have, i enjoy it very much. i really dont know why but im so stupidly worried about you right now. you may be too popular for me (; and also of course im super sad and worried about your health. hope you feel better yeah? so far this is what is in my mind and something definetely i want to tell you but for now.. its a nice little secret =)

Ill update again hun <3

Love, this chick right heree.