OUCH.

ouch, my heart hurts =P the past two days i've been watching the famous "stairway to heaven" for the second time, and yeah its pretty awesome. after watching it i was SUPER NICE to my dad x) hahaa. but i dont know, i like the title because it just makes me re-think about the things in my life that could just disappear if i died this instance, my question would be though 'where would i go afterwards?', i try to understand about the whole christianity thing and try to keep on seeking for God but it always seems to come back to me. i really cant understand why or how i would be able to actually feel his presence instead of just believing that he is there. i dont even know why im so stubborn and not just believe the truth trying to extend everything. i know my answer is RIGHT THERE in front of my frikken face, but why cant i see it still? why am i constantly struggling? if i died right now, why would i be so scared? im scared of not knowing the truth, im scared of not being able to be with those i want to be with, i scared to face whats reality and whats not, im scared that i would not be accepted. thats what im scared of. im not scared of losing my life here, i scared where ill go afterwards. will i get into heaven, or will i burn in hell for eternity? whats next? i dont know that answer to that. but i hope as day by day i will read the bible, and hopefully get the answer im looking for in there.
-JoyceEbenezerChang-