i am finally done with my finals ! whooo hoo! my first finals was a blast :) so heres the news, 1st period i got an- A,2nd period-A, 3rd period-C :(, 4th period-B, 5th period-B, & 6th period-A ! :D i was so glad my finals turned out to be amazingly great <3

So the story of my life so far, is that i often fight with my mom. also i feel alot more distant with people, and its hard trying to get back on track with them. well even though this is a short entry, ill be back later on the week :)

ps. NO SCHOOL !
-JoyceEbenezerChang-

my heart is acheing so much in so many ways. today im deciding on attending the Kiwins dance.. i was soooo excited about it, and i am still but im also hurt. i got a call from my mom, she was soo PISSED. like PISSEDPISSED. she saw the other praise team members practicing for tonights worship, i guess she really got hurt by that.. seeing her daughter not being responsible and just going off to dances and not going to church becaus i dont feel like it. its not that, of course i lovelovelove going to church and worshiping.. but iwanted to dance tonight.. i guess my mom and i hung up the phone in a total bad way.. so i called her back. i really dont want my mom to get hurt because i've made a mistake. if shes always forcing me to go to church and all how will i ever know the truth? throughout my mistakes i know it will be worth it at the end, because of me having the knowledge to change. i really hated that i am disappointing my mom.. but ithink she should try to let me be and all.. let me have some freedom? so in the end.. i can learn.
-JoyceEbenezerChang-

The Day=/

Today was seriously BORING =P but at least i got most of my homework done which sort of in a way makes me feel accomplished :d and OHHH. i finally watched the drama 'Stairway to heaven' like ALL OVER AGAIN. it did take alot of my time, but yeah i was totally worth it =D haha. now im in like LOVE with that guy x) haha. everytime i look at him probably ill be all drooling over him x)haa. well school's tomorrow, BUT at least i wouldnt have to sit at home doing nothing for a whole entire another day, which is so AWESOME. haha. awww crappy doodle =______= finals are next week ;O uh oh. i guess i have to put on my studying cap on ;P well until then..
-JoyceEbenezerChang-

OUCH.

ouch, my heart hurts =P the past two days i've been watching the famous "stairway to heaven" for the second time, and yeah its pretty awesome. after watching it i was SUPER NICE to my dad x) hahaa. but i dont know, i like the title because it just makes me re-think about the things in my life that could just disappear if i died this instance, my question would be though 'where would i go afterwards?', i try to understand about the whole christianity thing and try to keep on seeking for God but it always seems to come back to me. i really cant understand why or how i would be able to actually feel his presence instead of just believing that he is there. i dont even know why im so stubborn and not just believe the truth trying to extend everything. i know my answer is RIGHT THERE in front of my frikken face, but why cant i see it still? why am i constantly struggling? if i died right now, why would i be so scared? im scared of not knowing the truth, im scared of not being able to be with those i want to be with, i scared to face whats reality and whats not, im scared that i would not be accepted. thats what im scared of. im not scared of losing my life here, i scared where ill go afterwards. will i get into heaven, or will i burn in hell for eternity? whats next? i dont know that answer to that. but i hope as day by day i will read the bible, and hopefully get the answer im looking for in there.
-JoyceEbenezerChang-

..along with everything..

Along with everything im struggling through, more has been added to that collection ;P while walking home, i was having a really depressing conversation with one of my guy friends/church member. i felt so relieved at the end because i thought i was holding in all that pain bottled up without saying anything to anyone about it. all this time i have just sat around, crying over it, causing more pain within myself. as day by day passes by, the more and more i realize about the world. not my world, THE WORLD. I seriously have no idea the hell why i always feel like this? i really want a day when im STRAIGHT up happy, not straight up sad. When i walk down the halls at school and have a smile on my face, i feel like im covering everything up just with a stupid SMILE. I want to show people how i really feel, but it'll hurt me 10x more if i hurt them.
-JoyceEbenezerChang-

New Post.

Ever since i stopped writing this blog.. many things happened. i have realized so many things, things i never really thought about.. its kinda hard for anyone especially myself, to handle. at this moment there are many things that is rushing through my head.. wishing it wasnt there in the first place. i am home alone at the moment, and yes i feel so lonely x) haha. im just hoping this week whatever im going to go through, ill get through it with the help of God. i have to in some what way 'train' myself to start talking to God alot more. Last friday, he showed me that the only way i can get through life is by him, just realizing that touched me in so many different ways i cant even describe it to myself. haha. well im cold so imma go eat pizza (:

LATELY i've been really stressing about uhm.. PEOPLE. ive been getting angry at the smallest things and i dont know how to NOT do that.. like i think to myself should i be getting mad at thing or is this something else im just over reacting upon? like for instance wherever i go like school or borders or church, at some certain points i get pissed off.. friggen, im stressed about this. BUT school is going great and im excited (:

new beginning

well happy belated new years :) -sigh- i love it. new year means new beginnings, erase the bad ones and replace it by making new ones <3 haha . yesterday after the new years service i stayed up till like 3:30 while my parents are partying all night long x) haha. after i got up i went to my grandmama's house to eat some nice 떡국, mmmmm yummy, afterwards i got money then i headed off to my aunts house. i ate 미역국 mmmm yummy. last night i finally watched the movie troy, DAMN another good movie that i watched, i'm so into the war/history/europe/LOVE STORY. haha. now im sitting at home writing this blog and waiting for my friend to call back so we can go watch THE CURIOUS CASE OF BEJAMIN BUTTON ^^ muhahha. well until then..
-JoyceEbenezerChang-